This is the tale of children's chopsticks, birthday Chinese ice cream (not mine) and broken glass. And I would like to preface by telling you that the birthday boy did nearly the same exact thing on his honeymoon not a week prior. So you can't all say "only you Autumn!" shaking your heads with disbelief. I don't know how to use chopsticks. I like to shovel food into my mouth, not work at it. Especially when it's RICE. There's 8 of us, we're having a blast. Food is amazing, our cook was hilarious and nicknamed the birthday boy "Boss" and the birthday girl "Cheeseburger", we were all laughing and eating, etc. It was brought to one party goer's attention that I was not using nor did I plan to begin using chopsticks. He stood up and helped himself to a child safety pair on top of the nearby cabinet.
*Side note- when I Googled "child chopsticks" Google auto filled and came up with "child chopped up Brooklyn". Are you kidding me right now? WHO Googles that?)*
|courtesy of "The Monkey King" ebay store (haha)|
I'm messing with you. They weren't that cool. They were really just regular chopsticks rubber banded together gangster style. Pics to follow. I refuse to use them after flipping a valued piece of chicken off my plate. Hoping no one would notice, I put them down and start shoveling with my American fork. Now at this meal we had already had the waitress spill a water on one of the girls. The birthday boy had dropped an egg on the table after the cook asked for "help" juggling the eggs *eye roll*, and we were getting ready to sing happy birthday.
This is when I decide it would be a good idea to start trying the chopsticks again. I clamp them down on the tall stemmed water glass my water with lemon is housed in and begin shuffling it back and forth across the table in front of me Never in a million years did I anticipate what was about to happen. There was a tiny lip between the 2 pieces of marble that made the fancy hibachi table. Naturally, my glass caught on that lip.
Glass tips over and shatters into ONE MILLION pieces sending water everywhere. I shriek and begin to clean up, make sure it only got all over me so I'm the only one who looks like they peed themselves at hibachi, and start grabbing my napkin. Aaron says "be careful, that's not all ice, some of it's glass". My wise ass reply. "Puh-lease. I worked at Pier 1. I know how to handle a broken glass!" all cocky. Famous last words.
The guy who insisted I use chopsticks (who I secretly blame) asks "OMG did you smash that with your bare hands? Are you the Hulk?" and questions begin getting fired. Then the Chinese servers all come out the birthday desserts singing happy birthday. Aaron holds my hand up high to stop the bleeding as we sing.
It was a birthday to remember for our friends, I hope :) I do what I can to entertain. Eventually I came out and admitted what I was doing when the incident occurred. They all cracked up and the birthday boy told me he had JUST done the same thing on his honeymoon. So there's so of us. Lucky you, world.