Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Aliens + Fashionistas

    Why hello there! For those of you who DO NOT know me, I am Autumn. The abnormally tall, freckled, Security chick who is oft called "Amber" or "Summer" or other names that are "nature related", but not "Autumn". Let me begin by saying that I have been told by some people that I am funny, and others that I am not. The latter was an ex-boyfriend, so I'll take that with a grain of bitter salt. I have been married for just over a month to my chef husband, Aaron. He works weird hours and is just strange in general most of the time. We have a 1 year old Himalayan cat named Apollo. If we ever have kids I'm pretty sure we'll need to get rid of them if Apollo doesn't approve. This cat runs the show. He's a purebred, but we can't show him because we had him fixed. Showing him would be a real treat, considering last Christmas we dressed him in a Santa hat and beard and he pretended to be in a coma for the duration of his portrait. He has an ever present "I'm so angry" grimace on his face because of his breed. So it's very fitting that my husband and I end up with the most unusual cat of all time.

   More times than not I ask myself why strange things always happen to me. Many of my friends have a saying that goes something like "that would happen to you". I agree. Because so many of the weirdness in my life feels like i'm watching something occur on a bad after-school special. I have trouble sleeping at times. I tend to wake up around 3:30 every night, which as legend has it is the bewitching hour that people become possessed. I'm certain that this ridiculous occurrence is something I have trained myself to do from watching the movies as a teen that my Mother warned would "feed things into my head". Which is awesome, because I love when my Mom is right *sigh*.

   Our story begins with one night about 2 weeks ago. I took one Tylenol pm in an attempt to get some sleep and stay asleep. I already learned that I can't tolerate prescription sleep meds because of an incident my husband refers to as the "rabbits wearing pants" incident. I sang to him, of the afore mentioned topic, in a hazy drug induced half hour before I passed out after taking a Lunesta. I awaken in the middle of the night (fearful of possession, natch) and hope that my stirring will wake my new husband. It does not. In fact my being awake actually effects no one including our night-owl of a cat. I am in a panic as I rehash what I have been dreaming. Allow me to set the stage...enter the bedroom (ignore that cat)...

   Aliens. They are about to invade planet Earth. They have offered to convert a small group of humans to become "aliens". I am frightened as I find out that my younger brother has already joined their forces. I should do it too. I ask if I can take my husband, Aaron, with me. "Will we still be married on your planet?" "Yeah, sure" they reply. So we're in. We join the aliens. And await the time we will attack planet Earth. WHAT?
   I awaken at that point and worry that if I don't move around a lot I will fall back into this dream. Of course it happens anyway. Why is it that when I am dreaming of Jordan Knight I can't seem to stay asleep but aliens are just chomping at the bit to keep the storyline going?

I tell very few people about this dream.

   Last night: We watch the program "Ancient Aliens" before bed. I joke "hope I don't dream about aliens!"  Aaron looks at me like I'm insane. 1 Tylenol pm later I'm in a warehouse trying to apply lipstick in the dark for a wedding of a girl I ex is there...and my shoes and dress don't match. Oh and BTW we are in the warehouse because an alien attack is imminent and this is the only place we can hide. And I'm worried that my leather sandals won't match with the satin dress as well as a nice satin shoe would...

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