Hib-OUCH-i

   I adore hibachi. It's the best food EVER. I usually plan to go, spend a lot of green and eat a lot of rice. I normally don't leave bleeding.

   This is the tale of children's chopsticks, birthday Chinese ice cream (not mine) and broken glass. And I would like to preface by telling you that the birthday boy did nearly the same exact thing on his honeymoon not a week prior. So you can't all say "only you Autumn!" shaking your heads with disbelief. I don't know how to use chopsticks. I like to shovel food into my mouth, not work at it. Especially when it's RICE. There's 8 of us, we're having a blast. Food is amazing, our cook was hilarious and nicknamed the birthday boy "Boss" and the birthday girl "Cheeseburger", we were all laughing and eating, etc. It was brought to one party goer's attention that I was not using nor did I plan to begin using chopsticks. He stood up and helped himself to a child safety pair on top of the nearby cabinet.

*Side note- when I Googled "child chopsticks" Google auto filled and came up with "child chopped up Brooklyn". Are you kidding me right now? WHO Googles that?)*

courtesy of "The Monkey King" ebay store (haha)

  
   I'm messing with you. They weren't that cool. They were really just regular chopsticks rubber banded together gangster style. Pics to follow. I refuse to use them after flipping a valued piece of chicken off my plate. Hoping no one would notice, I put them down and start shoveling with my American fork. Now at this meal we had already had the waitress spill a water on one of the girls. The birthday boy had dropped an egg on the table after the cook asked for "help" juggling the eggs *eye roll*, and we were getting ready to sing happy birthday.

   This is when I decide it would be a good idea to start trying the chopsticks again. I clamp them down on the tall stemmed water glass my water with lemon is housed in and begin shuffling it back and forth across the table in front of me Never in a million years did I anticipate what was about to happen. There was a tiny lip between the 2 pieces of marble that made the fancy hibachi table. Naturally, my glass caught on that lip.

   Glass tips over and shatters into ONE MILLION pieces sending water everywhere. I shriek and begin to clean up, make sure it only got all over me so I'm the only one who looks like they peed themselves at hibachi, and start grabbing my napkin. Aaron says "be careful, that's not all ice, some of it's glass". My wise ass reply. "Puh-lease. I worked at Pier 1. I know how to handle a broken glass!" all cocky. Famous last words.

   The guy who insisted I use chopsticks (who I secretly blame) asks "OMG did you smash that with your bare hands? Are you the Hulk?" and questions begin getting fired. Then the Chinese servers all come out the birthday desserts singing happy birthday. Aaron holds my hand up high to stop the bleeding as we sing.

   It was a birthday to remember for our friends, I hope :) I do what I can to entertain. Eventually I came out and admitted what I was doing when the incident occurred. They all cracked up and the birthday boy told me he had JUST done the same thing on his honeymoon. So there's so of us. Lucky you, world.

3-0

  My apologies for no post from this weekend for you all to devour. My 30th birthday began of course at midnight on Saturday the 13th. Normally I wouldn't be up so late but our friend Scott was leaving for law school the next day so we went down to our local watering hole to say hello. Upon our return, Apollo met us at the door. Usual. Nothing out of the ordinary. We assumed Turk was sleeping on my pillow where we often find her when we come home later. We go up to our bedroom, no Turk. I call for her, check the closets (find some poop in Aaron's closet. Awesome) but no kitten. I start to get my jammies on and I hear a strange rustling by the clothes pile. The laundry basket was downstairs so we had just accumulated a few chef coats etc on the floor where the hamper would be. I lean down and hear the sound coming from what appears to be the heat/AC vent. I pause. Two eyes staring back at me. "Is that a mouse?... OMG TURK!!!" Yes. The first 20 minutes of my 4th decade of life was spent panicking because "someone" left the vent uncovered int he bathroom reno and the cat got into the air ducts.

   Aaron, seeing my panic, tells me it's OK, we'll get her out, just be calm. Images of our cat stuck are terrifying me. He moves the dresser like a hero who lifts a car, normally it takes both of us, moves it and digs up the vent. Turk vanishes into the recesses of dark. I call to her lovingly, so she doesn't run. Aaron gets to the other side and lifts that vent. Apollo races between the two vents, looking up at us with horror "where's my kitten?" Obviously during the Kitten Crisis of '11 I didn't think to photograph. I will not share a photo of the vent so you can get an idea of why I was freaking out.

Picture eyes and a tiny orange cat through that vent.

   Eventually she came out to Aaron because I had to walk away to calm myself a little. I didn't know whether to laugh of cry. Talk about giving me a run for my money. And then I was 30.


    Later that day I was busy living it up NYC style (again). My husband took me to The View, a revolving restaurant that overlooks NY near Times Square. It's 48 stories up and the views are spectacular, pics don't do it justice, but I tried!

In the next picture please note in lower left corner. Aaron kept on the look out for his "sex".

   
      It was pretty awesome. Food was to die for. I will do anything for a well done fillet mignon. I was accused of being crabby because I didn't eat lunch (excuuuuse me for living)  and my husband got his dessert and it had a crab shaped cookie on top. Natch one of the crab claws ended up in my dessert.

And man was it good! And I promptly "tore it up".

   Next we were off to Times Square and the obligatory "picture of ourselves somewhere interesting".

  



I looked for Tina Fey. She wasn't there.

   It's important to know that I have loved Barbie's since I was a kid. I have the first 10 Holiday Barbie's, including the original which means I am awesome.  I was thrilled to get to Toys R' Us in Times Square and see the Barbie department. This years Holiday Barbie pictured above. Lovely.    
   Beautiful weather and my fave city in the world. It was good times. We got to meet up with my friend Erica for a Magnolia cupcake run and she escorted us back to Grand Central...us silly farm-folk always get lost. (I heart Erica. We would have gotten lost)
  
   Yesterday was spent GLUED to my new Kindle. Hunger Games. That's all I can say. I had nightmares last night and woke up with pain my back and hurty eyes. Yet it didn't stop me from pulling over on my way into work and reading for 20 minutes in the famed Christmas Tree Shop Plaza. I can't get enough of this book. I got the trilogy as an awesome e-gift from Sara (thanks again! My husband says he misses me). Seriously, if you haven't read it, you may want to pick up a copy. Riveting.



   Hello thirties, I'm here. You're welcome.

XO Autumn Van Weir

How many pics can this trick cram into one post?

   On this last day in my 20s I would like to reflect. I suited up today for the last time as a 20 something. Began my drive into work for the last time as a 20 something. Almost rammed into this little scenario directly behind my car. Really condo complex? Really? There was about a 5 foot space for me to drive through. Good thing I didn't get that Suburban instead of Civic...

   On 84 got stuck behind this curiosity. I love Rudolph, the Christmas special. I get that. But I don't think of Rudolph characters as being "year round" adornments for automobiles. Especially not Audi's.

That, my friends, is the Abominable Snow Man. A "Bumble", if you will. Gracing the back of this car. Weirdly done.  

   Stopped at Dunkin' Donuts (which I never do) because I felt my birthday celebration should begin early.

MMMM delicious flatbread...



   I drove past Cheesecake factory again to check progress. Coming along, but clearly they didn't meet deadline. August 13th. I imposed that deadline, this wasn't public knowledge, btw.

   Maybe by September. Sara, maybe for your birthday?? I will continue to hold my breath during production. Take your time, workers. Oh right....you're contractors. So you will take your time.

   Speak of the devil (literal), Bob showed up. He was gone before I got home right before 7 (thanks to a car fire on the highway. It's like some people don't even CARE if I get home to watch Sex and the City on DVD?). The enormous box that once held the "walls" to the shower/tub was still leaning against our back door sliders so I was frightened to go upstairs. But I did...

   So we were able to get 2 of the wall pieces put in...but not the third. Clearly that would have taken hours longer to just FINISH so I could see something look like it's done. Sigh. If he came at 4, he obviously left in a hurry. I ended up dragging that 8 foot tall box out to the garage/dumpster area myself, scowling and grumbling the whole way.

To give you an idea of the scale of this thing. It blocked ALL the light out of the HUGE sliders.

   On my way back in I noticed something odd. A contracting anomaly. You couldn't do this again if you tried...please bear in mind that this is definitely from drywall and sweat from this man's back...on my front door. Tell me he didn't see that?

   I DARE you to tell me that doesn't look like a pig or a Chupacabra, the "mythical" Central/South American beast. (I put "mythical" in quotes because as you guessed I KNOW they're real...)

   Relax. I don't really believe in them. I swear...*wink wink*

   After the Chupy and I got acquainted, I drifted into the living room to tidy up. Don't ask me how I didn't notice this right away.

   Holes in my ceiling. At least the screwdriver is gone, right? See that horror here. When Aaron got home the first thing he said was "Wow. That's moldy". Just what you want to hear. I opted out of standing under the moldy holes.

   And last not the least weird, Ms. Turk found out how to get inside the bird cage I borrowed from Jan for my wedding cards. I don't know how she opened the "trap door" on the side, but somehow she did and shimmied her little body in there. I guess she felt it was easier access to the peacock feathers on the outside of the cage. Yeah, that makes perfect sense, kitten.

This one is my fave though. She looks to "innocent" as she rips apart memorabilia from my wedding leaving feathers everywhere.

  Enjoy your morning, friends. Turns out I didn't have time to reflect on my 20's. 

 XO Autumn Van Weir

The Land of No Progress

   Advice. Everyone loves to dispense advice, sometimes unwarranted. I'm not a huge fan of receiving advice when I haven't asked for it. If I am speaking to a close friend, I want advice or help. If I'm speaking to a co-worker or authority...I probably don't want advice on personal matters. I have prefaced the following story so it makes sense.

   My sis-in-law Laura was witness last night to what could have been, a clash of the titans. I'm SO thankful that she was there because it was almost too good to be true from a blogger standpoint. Remember yesterday's post? When I was bitching about my bathroom (And the day before that and so on...yes, I know) and I included the clip from "The Money Pit"? No lie, when Bob Smith showed up yesterday at 7 pm, Aaron answered the door and I heard Bob say to him *drum roll* "Have you ever seen that movie "The Money Pit?' hahaha they have the bit about "it'll be done in two weeks!" hahahahahah". I seethed in the kitchen and desperately tried to mouth to Laura "did you read my blog today?"  You can't make this stuff up. Not only is Bob taking forever, but he knows it. And finds it comical. And boom goes the dynamite...

   The unsolicited advice I got this morning after telling this story? And I quote "You want to let Aaron know how mad you are? Pack a bag of clothes and leave it on the bed and when he asks what it is, tell him you're leaving until the job is done". Are you freaking kidding me? I'm a newlywed! And I'm not CRAZY. It's not that serious. I was floored by this advice. Side note: the person who gave me this pearl of wisdom attended my wedding just 2+ months ago. Thank you, I love my husband. I think I'll survive... who says stuff like that?

   This is what my bathroom looks like as of today. Please look for differences from yesterday or the day before...

   What's that you say? You already posted that pic yesterday, Autumn. Whaaaaa? Oh right. That's because he carried in stuff with Aaron and then LEFT. Day 5, no progress. So help me God...Laura and I exchanged knowing looks of anger/frustration. Aaron cowered and turned on the Mets game. Bob "will be back again today". Right.

   I did make some progress on my own, however. Thanks to the opinions of my crew I chose the bathroom ensemble set. It was on clearance and I had 20% of coupons from my house and some from mom. Per the receipt I saved $74 total. Guess how much I spent? Rug, soap dish, waste can, soap pump and tissue holder. $63. You may bow down now. To go with this set:

                                              I will be ordering these towels, in blue of course...

   I am in love with this color and theme. Even Aaron liked it! That was my evening. Stay tuned later for an update on the pretty awesome meal I cooked. I got a "this is really delicious" and a kiss from Aaron. Laura went back for seconds...so it must have been decent.
   Now a special shout out...my friend Craig who I have known since 6th grade...Happy 30th birthday!! Here's what NOT to do on your birthday. If you get home and there is a goat there, it  doesn't mean there's an NYC style party on the roof. Just run.

XO Autumn Van Weir

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