Kittens, wake up calls and IKEA

   I will begin this by warning that I am operating on 3 hours sleep. So if somethign doesn't make sense, please do not share that with me.  For normal people, that's not such a big issue. For me, however, it's as bad as not having eaten. My husband refers to the "Autumn is hungry" phenomenon as "The Beast". If I've gone for any period of time my body considers lengthy without eating I begin to get short and aggressive with people. I blame biology. Lack of sleep does the same dreadful thing to my personality. I would snap at the President of the United States if he came at me when I was tired. I will first touch on my 12:34 am wake up call.
  
   I work in security, a never sleeping industry. But not in the exciting way New York city "never sleeps". It's more of a "Numbingly boring corporate office" kind of way in this case. Though my current position may not be sexy as some of my prior jobs (ie., Wedding consultant, allergy product sales phenom, assistant manager at Claire's accessory store), it pays the bills and long term I know it's where I want to be. So picture me sleeping soundly, PJs and all, with my "Thai one on" sleep mask....I'm in the sleep where you are twitching because you're so content that you've finally fallen asleep. And my work phones rings. I'm confused, I'm tired I roll over and make my best attempt at sounding awake which comes out sounding like Ursula in The Little Mermaid when Ariel's shell necklace falls and breaks and her man voice returns in front of Prince Eric.

   It's someone at my site who doesn't feel well and needs to leave. I tell him I'll do what I can. I spend the next hour trying to get someone to come in to no avail. I call him back and explain this, sorry I can't be of further help. He hangs up on me. Lovely. I call back, now furious with my face mask pushed up, hair in disarray trying not to shout and wake up my household of husband and animal alike. He "didn't realize I was still talking". Riiiiiiight.

   So I was in my office at 5:50 to relieve him.

   Say WHAT??? Who is that precious little entity? That's our new addition. Part one of the title of this post. His name shall be called Turk. Aaron thought it would be cool to name him after our favorite day of our honeymoon, Grand Turk. He is hilariously animated and just what our Apollo needed to keep him company.

   It wasn't love at first site...at least not for Turk. He was terrified of this giant pillow-like creature trying to sniff him. But 12 hours later, they were BFFs. Still some minor hissing and spitting (on Turk's part). But all in all, I'm not afraid to leave them home alone....at least I don't think I am. 
FINE, one more picture for good measure...

   So that was my Saturday & Sunday! "Autumn, you didn't tell us how your Friday night was though..." My mistake. I WENT TO IKEA!!!! The land of lamps and bedspreads! The place where you are served a $5 cheese and spinach crepe and top it off with Swedish meatballs. And I did. Special thanks to Sara for intro-ing my non-cultured self in the art of the Swedes and their balls of meat.

   What would a trip to IKEA be without me posing seductively (or not so much) on one of the fake apartment's beds?

   On Saturday my Dad asked me "what did you get?" and I started rattling off my choices "light bulbs, a white bedspread for the spare room, a fake fur carpet...." and he cut me off with "never mind. I don't even know why I asked". OK. Thanks Jake. My FAVE purchase was the nerdiest. Drawer separators for my underwear. Once that's set up I will advise you on whether it was worth my hard earned $7.99 or not...I know you're as excited as I am about it....but relax.

   My favorite part of the night was a toss up between Lisa and her crazy self propelling cart that was so "free spirited" she was able to push it 100% sideways through the lot...

   And me mispronouncing the word "fades" on a Barber shop sign that had it spelled "fadez" (we were in a city, don't judge). "What the hell is faaahhdez?" was my interpretation of it. Sara promptly corrected me by screaming out "FADES!" like it was the most obvious thing on Earth. I thought I had just discovered some new hair trend amongst a little known barber in New Haven, CT. False. Turns out I just don't speak gangster as well as Sara. I stand corrected and humble...

   Now if you'll excuse me I need to go pretend I'm not fadezing fast....Up Next, why they should stop calling it "D.I.Y" and should just saying "diying".

My animal's instinct is broken...

   Right now in Connecticut we are amidst a nasty heat wave. Yes, we get heat waves in the north too. Yesterday topped out around 90 something degrees, I believe, with a million percent humidity. That can be confirmed by my frizzball of a braid.

   It's the kind of heat that you miss in the winter when you're freezing for 3 months straight but when it's finally here everyone says things like "wow, you can cut the air with a knife!" (I said that yesterday. I'm my own cliche) and the ever popular "You could fry an egg on the pavement out there!". Yes, sure you could, crazy.

   The problem with this humidity is that we learned last night that neither Aaron or I knows how to use our central air at our condo. I got home from work around 7:30 and was greeted by a crying cat. Poor Apollo clearly hasn't figured out yet that the finished basement is the coolest place in the condo. Aaron says he's an animal and he'll figure it out himself. But upon my entering, he came slugging down the stairs to me. This means two things. 1- Apollo was upstairs. The hottest part of any building in the world is the top floor. C'mon cat! 2- Apollo was more than likely in his window seat. The sun sets in the front of our condo, which is where the spare room is. So my cat was not only upstairs, but he was in an open window in this heat with the sun blasting right on his little furry body. Brilliant.

   I entered, cat greeted me, I picked him up and he was about 150 degrees so I instantly turned on the AC. I began my normal house cleaning that I do when I get home, empty the dishwasher, put in laundry, etc. An hour later and it still hasn't cooled down. WHAT? I add the fan to the system. Still nothing 30 minutes later. Aaron gets home and I tell him what isn't happening. This place feels like it's parked at the gates of hell. He messes with it and air sounds like it's coming out. Still not cool. Bedtime now, and as you know I have been feeling "under the weather".

*Side note: I did some research the last time I heard that phrase I googled it. It originated when sailors were on the upper deck of their ship and were sick. The captain would send them below decks to recover. Hence, they were "under the weather" on the main deck of the ship. Interesting, right?*

   End Side note. No more education today. It was still reading over 80 degrees but with windows shut and ONE fan it felt like 1 trillion degrees. Aaron and I felt bad we had left poor Apollo all day baking (because his animal instincts were a FAIL). This was how Aaron fixed that situation:

  Yes, that cat is being dangled in front of a fan and looking up at Aaron as if to say "ugggghhh thank you". And we woke up to 81 degrees indoors today. Aaron thought he fixed it this morning, but I got a text from him saying "we may have to have it serviced", I assume he was referring to the AC and not the cat. Then "I'm not sure if I'm doin somethin wrong". Evidence that we don't know how to operate machinery in our own home.

Stay tuned ...I'm going to IKEA tonight and I am going to attempt a DIY tomorrow with the assistance of my 16 year old sis. No she doesn't know that yet....Yay Chelsea!